“How am I still single?” you ask. Let me explain the ways.

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Photo by Everton Vila on Unsplash

1. Must love kids, but not really want them.

2. Must be over 5’8’’ even though I’m under 5’3’’.

3. Can’t be religious but should be comfortable with my overwhelming Jewishness.


Just let me be (located on the side of the head).

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Photo by Gabriel Porras on Unsplash


How to grieve for your love life.

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Photo by Cosmic Timetraveler on Unsplash

Stage 1: Panic

Stage 2: Patience


I take absolutely no responsibility.

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Photo by Andy Feliciotti on Unsplash
  • The condition of my living room rug is a shocking assault on the aesthetic of…


New year, new ways to prevent the spread of COVID-19.

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Illustration by Alexa Dodson
  1. Live a healthier lifestyle by getting vaccinated before Brittany — your high school nemesis, longtime Facebook friend, and current multi-level marketing scheme participant. If you can’t figure out a way to get inoculated before someone that peddles Avon Products for “a living” then please consider yourself a failure.
  2. Travel more than just between your bed and your couch. Show the mid-century modern living room accent chair you bought from your racist neighbor on Nextdoor some love. It too would like to mold into the shape of your ass.
  3. Save money on car insurance by switching to GEICO. And then selling…


Does “the talk” still come with free condoms when you’re in your thirties?

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Photo by Volodymyr Hryshchenko on Unsplash

1. Just do it.


Must be low maintenance and highly oxygenating.

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Photo by Prudence Earl on Unsplash


Am I more single than ever before? Indeed I am.

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Photo by Anastasiia Chepinska on Unsplash


It’s like an earthquake kit — if a shift in tectonic plates could bring about the end of democracy.

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Photo by Cata on Unsplash


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“Kamala Harris” by Gage Skidmore

Dani Mahrer

Just for fun. Unless I end up making money, then it will be for money. @danimahrer on Instagram & Twitter.

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