I don’t trust people that don’t like kids and I don’t completely trust myself to have them. On the off chance we do have little baby alien humans, you must be a magnificent father because I will be a mediocre mother at best.
It’s important that I feel like a…
When they sing the “grownups come back” song from Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood: Usually, sure. But if your dad ever says he’s going out for a pack of cigarettes, you should be concerned.
When they won’t wear the perfectly curated outfits I picked out to make them look like little hipster…
The day after I made Aliyah — landing in Tel Aviv as an Israeli citizen, I woke up with the stomach flu. The welcome party my friends had planned at one of our favorite bars in Jerusalem was cancelled and I spent my first two days as an Israeli with…
Dear Mirena,
First of all, hello. We’ve never been formally introduced. Unless, of course, you consider being abruptly inserted into my uterus by a doctor whose face was buried in my vagina “formal.” I’m Dani — the owner of the uterus inside which you live. I wish we had had…
From the ages of 11 to 22, I spent almost every weekend at Jewish youth group events in L.A., and summers at a Jewish summer camp in Santa Rosa, California. Once we entered high school, our youth group had a point system: The more hookups you had, the more points…
Since my 4.5 year relationship ended just over 2 years ago, I have absolutely refused to be alone. I got a taste of the coupled up life and have been in the aggressive pursuit of reclaiming that status from the moment I was dumped while heating up a Trader Joe’s…
It has recently come to my attention that I am “not cool”, “for olds” and “over” and I would like to take this opportunity to defend myself. And I’d like to start by asking: since when do the youths have a say? …
So this is how I die? Alone in my thirties in a basement apartment with my Wiccan roommate and her miniature dachshund in the next room? I wonder if any of my exes are available to marry me immediately. Okay, no. This is fine. Let me just update the ‘Looking…
In the spirit of Ted Cruz, Josh Hawley, Lindsey Graham, Mitch McConnel, Marco Rubio, and of course, Donald Trump — a crew I have affectionately nicknamed “The Sycophant Six”, I’d like to take this opportunity to unequivocally condemn the consequences of any and all questionable, despicable, or insurrection inducing actions…
