“How am I still single?” you ask. Let me explain the ways.

Photo by Everton Vila on Unsplash

1. Must love kids, but not really want them.

2. Must be over 5’8’’ even though I’m under 5’3’’.

3. Can’t be religious but should be comfortable with my overwhelming Jewishness.

No children were harmed during the making of this list.

Photo by Ben White on Unsplash

I used to teach Zionism to young American Jews, now I oppose it.

Photo by Sander Crombach on Unsplash

Hello, it’s me. I was wondering if after all these years (inside my uterus) you’d like to chat.

Art by Meg Adler

The toxic hookup culture told me I was only as valuable as the amount of attention I got from Nice Jewish Boys

Photo: FilippoBacci / Getty Images

No seriously, I’ve never actually tried it.

Photo by Kyle Broad on Unsplash

Just let me be (located on the side of the head).

Photo by Gabriel Porras on Unsplash

How to grieve for your love life.

Photo by Cosmic Timetraveler on Unsplash

Stage 1: Panic

Stage 2: Patience

I take absolutely no responsibility.

Photo by Andy Feliciotti on Unsplash
  • The condition of my living room rug is a shocking assault on the aesthetic of…

New year, new ways to prevent the spread of COVID-19.

Illustration by Alexa Dodson
  1. Live a healthier lifestyle by getting vaccinated before Brittany — your high school nemesis, longtime Facebook friend, and current multi-level marketing scheme participant. If you can’t figure out a way to get inoculated before someone that peddles Avon Products for “a living” then please consider yourself a failure.
  2. Travel more than just between your bed and your couch. Show the mid-century modern living room accent chair you bought from your racist neighbor on Nextdoor some love. It too would like to mold into the shape of your ass.
  3. Save money on car insurance by switching to GEICO. And then selling…

Dani Mahrer

Full time renewable energy professional, free time snarky writer.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store